Maloramus in Quarantine

Thomas McClure

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To: Rupert Ope (Editor)

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From: Jenny Marks

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Subject: Important Sections of the Transcripts from the Interviews with Members of the Maloramus Agency.

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Mr. Ope,

Below are the most interesting parts of the interviews I had with members of Maloramus. I believe the article could focus on how these local heroes are just normal people like the rest of us. What do you think?

[START OF TRANSCRIPT]

Reporter Jenny Marks: Over the past month a pandemic has swept across the nation, forcing many to stay indoors and self-isolate to ensure they don't become infected or, if they are already infected, spread it to others they interact with. In this new social age, one can hardly imagine a time where the virus wasn't the focal point of every conversation in our lives. However, for many, the isolation means there aren't very many conversations to be had anyways. We reached out, facetiming online for social distancing reasons, to a few of the local heroes of our community; the members of the risqué activist Maloramus agency; who have isolated themselves in their separate quarters, to ask them how they are doing, what they doing, and what their thoughts are on this pandemic.

*

Reporter Jenny Marks: John Protag. You are the leader of your agency, that comes with a lot of responsibilities. How are you coping with this pandemic?

John Protag: Firstly, I'm more of a co-leader with Azazel. We all work together and help out when we can, we each take charge if need be. To answer your question, we are handling it as best we can I believe. Everyone has been instructed to isolate themselves as much as possible, not a rule just a strong suggestion, and we have automated services provide us the necessities when we need them. Our people get paid sick leave; it may not be a common practice these days, but we stand by our values. We have internet and power and we are doing far better than many others out there. We're in communication with the local community shelters and programmes and we have opened our spare rooms to those who can't isolate in their current conditions. We donate our spare supplies to those who need them, especially the most vulnerable groups in our society. We are coping really well with it and we're using that privilege to help those who need help.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Wow, you seem to be on top of things. You're a real example for your community. And what are you personally doing during your isolation?

John Protag: Well, I'm using all this newfound free time to, essentially, work. I know, I know, but I always do my best. I keep an overview of the base; keeping the services running, checking in on how the residents are doing, keeping tabs on our external operations, keeping up to date with the news and the local community, ordering food and supplies, making sure Silvia is attending her online classes, and pretty much keeping the gang sane, including myself. Everyone here is doing their best, they're great.

*

Adam: I feel like I am doing nothing at all.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You're the residential doctor, aren't you?

Adam: Medic, actually. My brother was a doctor, I never got that far. I have no experience in things like virus; I'm more used to gunshot wounds, cybernetic problems, brawls between our own people. Probably shouldn't have said that last part. We're a good agency; we have our struggles but don't we all. Oh! I do regular check-ups on the gang. Super sterilised disinfectant-addled visits to the others in their quarters to see if they're alive and not accidentally hurting themselves in boredom, and to test them for the virus, I can do that. Protag has me on that duty. It's good, it keeps me busy, he's a good boss. Co-boss, Azazel's here too. They're good.

Reporter Jenny Marks: And what have you been doing in isolation?

Adam: I, uh, just sort of stay online. I have a bunch of forums and stuff I hang on, keeping up to date on how my friends around the world are doing. I game, sometimes, with Fox online, though he's really good at it and doesn't really go easy on me, but it's fun, I like being with my friends, even if it is through a screen. Um. I keep up to date with the news. Oh, I donate to doctors and nurses and hospital staff fighting the virus, they get paid very little for the work they do, and I try to do my part. I've also volunteered every day to go out and take stock of what we have for Protag, just finished today's one before this interview, in fact. For Protag and Azazel, I mean. Oh, here's something to add to your article, people shouldn't be panic buying things they don't really need. Our stocks aren't great, I mean I'm out of HRT and it turns out people are just buying any drug to resell them for more, there should be laws against that, so that's something important to add.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Your stocks are low?

Adam: What! No? Huh? Who said that? Not me. You're taking my words out of context. Protag has everything under control. No one is freaking out. Have you interviewed Azazel yet? We don't - everything is good. We're a new agency so of course we'd have our rough starts. Oh my god did you hear Protag found a grey hair. No-he didn't, I didn't say that. Sorry. Naomi has dogs; you should include pics of them. Oh, sorry, you don't hear that but that's my alarm to volunteer to do the stock for today.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You said earlier you already did stock today?

Adam then disconnected the call.

*

Reporter Jenny Marks: Silvia. You are the youngest member of Maloramus at just 14 years old, is that right?

Silvia: Yep. That’s me. Though I don’t really do much work; FLSA and WHD and all those regulations and stuff.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What do you do in your agency?

Silvia: Agency? I haven’t heard anyone call it that before.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What do you call it?

Silvia: The gang. The team. Maloramus when it’s important. It’s more like a family that a business. Actually, I don’t think it’s a business at all. If it was, we could totally sell merch. Just imagine my face on a mug or on some underwear, that would be weird.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What do you do in Maloramus?

Silvia: I do my chores, like cleaning my room or doing the dishes. Since home life and work life are sort of one I was able to debate Protag in front of everyone over this and I won pretty easily, so they pay me for my chore work as technically I’m working within their establishment. When it comes to operations, I pretty much just fly around and keep a lookout.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Fly around?

Silvia: Yeah.

Reporter Jenny Marks: In a helicopter?

Silvia: Oh man, that would be so slow. Could you imagine? It would be like trying to fight underwater or something.

Reporter Jenny Marks: I’m not following.

Silvia: It’s ‘w1ngedsilvia’ on most accounts.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Let’s start again. So, Silvia, what have you been doing during this quarantine?

Silvia: Going insane, Jenny. Haven’t been able to hang with my friends, no chances to stretch my wings, Protag won’t let me buy any of the sweets I usually go out to get, and it just overall sucks. I don’t even know if I’m susceptible to this thing, I’m not built the same as the rest of you.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What do you mean by that?

Silvia: It’s a science-fiction mess of a boring story, don’t worry about it. I don’t even know the right words for it yet. I’m not stupid, right, I’m just not yet that smart.

Reporter Jenny Marks: How is your education going?

Silvia: School’s been trying to set up online classes for a week now but they’re not good at it. Mr Hawthorne, the biology teacher, can’t even show us a video without leaving auto-play on and then faffing about when the next video comes on, he just unplugs the whole thing, so I don’t trust him with the internet. Oh, but when it does get up and running I’ma tell him that Alt-F4 raises the volume.

Reporter Jenny Marks: So, you’ve had no education since quarantine started?

Silvia: Well, Protag has been sending homework that I do, and I get rewards like the sweets I want, but the rest of the workbooks and videos he’s been sending me are just boring. I’m interested in philosophy, but the books are just too wordy for me right now and video essays summarise it all so much better. I am wanting to learn, I really want to be more than what I am, but studying is hard when you have the internet with so many other stuffs available. Before all this, I could go to the park and find a little spacious area in a few bushes and just sit and focus on my work there, away from meme compilations and gaming videos.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Sounds like you’re a real up and comer in society.

Silvia: Girl, I’m an up and comer in everything. I give it a few years before I’m running this place. I’m pretty much a scientifically better version of Protag already. I don’t see why he’s stressing so much; keeping everyone in their rooms doesn’t sound so hard.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You have thoughts on Mr Protag’s leadership?

Silvia: You know, he’d tell you he’s technically co-leader with Azazel but that’s not really true. Before I got here, I heard about her run as leader and, well, apparently it was a very different time for them. She needs to live on the ground level for a time, like I did, before she can start building up. The way she’s treating the whole isolation thing isn’t very helpful either. She’s, uh, getting there but I think one super serious stoic leader with a troublesome past and a way to go before they’re their best self is enough.

Reporter Jenny Marks: If you had a say, who would you want to take over Maloramus as leader?

Silvia: Honestly, now I think about it, Protag is probably the safest. Oh. My mate is calling so I’m gonna go and chat with her in a sec if that’s okay.

Reporter Jenny Marks: That’s okay. Thanks for talking with me. Do you mind just running down the list of the members and your thoughts about them as a possible leader?

Silvia: Oh boy. Anthony’s neat but he’s ripped straight from a nineteen-forties comedy and that would just get grating. Fox is a bit too much of a hashtag gamer with a capital G. Token is cool, wise, socially aware, looks fine in a dress, takes no one’s [expletive], is good with numbers, and I love him so much, but he’s better for off-the-cuff commentary rather than constant inputs, you get me? Albin is too easily manipulated. Metalhead has no communication skills, and that is very literal. Adam and Duke are anxious and haven’t got the right experience or skills. Zach is socially awkward. Naomi is okay I guess but she’s barely ever here. And never in a million years should it be Lindsay, just saying that.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Why shouldn’t it be Lindsay? What’s she like?

*

Lindsay Anon: MASTURBATION TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN! I have contained myself in the [expletive] shackles of this uptight society for too long and now unbridled isolation, a thousand hours of uninterrupted peace, allows my will to be embodied. My walls will echo with fury akin the thunderous shudder of Thor himself! If this wave of sickness seeks to take me then I shall meet it first with a wave of my own crashing wills. The [expletive] gods themselves will fear my unhinged wrath. And forget this not, my room may be small, but every nook and cranny holds a new device of [expletive], as well as my own mind in pure [expletive] ingenuity which allows me to craft anything from anything, and so even with a thousand years I will not be held back from unadulterated power of pleasure and pain. My abilities are unending, and I will never grow bored, I assure you that. King Kong ain't got [expletive] on me! The apocalypse is coming and SO AM I!

*

Naomi: Dogs. I got a pupper and a boofer about a month ago and they've been my whole life since then. I hated that I had to work so much so I barely got to see them; the gang looked after them and entertained them while I was gone, of course, but I missed them. Now I can spend more time with them, and I aim to make the most of that.

Reporter Jenny Marks: How have you coped with taking care of your dogs in these times?

Naomi: When I take them on walks, I go into the woods, I don't go near any people, and the dogs are okay with that. I take my precautions. My room is spacious too, so they have a pretty good area to move around in, as lazy as they are.

Reporter Jenny Marks: And how are you personally doing?

Naomi: I work within the Eru, it’s a vertical take-off and landing aircraft, and the inside is very small, so I’m used to small spaces. I can handle it fine. I have my own little hobbies to keep me busy.

Reporter Jenny Marks: That’s good. What do you think of John Protag? How do you think he is handling Maloramus during this pandemic?

Naomi: I think he’s done pretty well. He’s got us all on lockdown, but not like an authoritarian, he’s putting a lot of personal responsibility on us for this. We can leave if we want but we have everything we need here and if we do choose to go out, we get less say in the things that are ordered for us. It makes sense. If we choose to break quarantine, breaking our responsibilities, then we will face the consequences and lose some of our entitlements. It’s a fair system, like taxes or something.

Reporter Jenny Marks: So, when you take your dogs out, does that effect your entitlements?

Naomi: Oh, no, not at all. Our allowances aren’t following a set of rules written in stone, judgement calls are made, and everything is taken on a case by case basis. They understand that there are additional needs in play and having pets to look after means I need to take them on walks, so a new set of responsibilities and entitlements come with that. I can go outside to take them on the walks, that doesn’t change my allowances, but with that I have new responsibilities such as ensuring I stay away from people.

Reporter Jenny Marks: How does that make you feel; having someone else essentially in charge of your life?

Naomi: It’s no different from the government. Other governments have initiated lockdowns, just because our country can’t do that because then workers can’t do what their rich bosses want, and the bosses are the ones who run the country or own those who do, then it doesn’t mean it’s not what’s right. This virus is very contagious if people aren’t cautious and we can’t just trust the average joe to have that kind of personal responsibility and be cautious with no checks or balances, with no rewards or punishments for their actions. We have to think critically on this and have the government take firm action.

Reporter Jenny Marks: But what if the government, or your boss, John Protag, decides to be too firm and limit your entitlements? What if you lose more liberties? What if the system fails and you don’t get your food that you need? What if you’re singled out for prejudiced reasons and you’re left out of this system of care?

Naomi: Well, Ms Marks, we have checks in place for that. If the system starts to fail, then we fix it. If we’re not getting out food, we find out why and work to amend that. If the government goes on lockdown then it should make allowances for delivery drivers and people who work in supermarkets, ensuring society can function without exploiting anybody. Focus on keeping the people who are necessary for the system to function safe and comfortable in these harsh times. If they choose to be malicious, we fight back. If Protag does anything, we strongly object to, we fight back. If he decides to cut the supply lines to Lindsay or Token or Azazel, then we’ll tell him to re-open them and if he doesn’t, we’ll essentially storm the castle. We still have power. If he rations our supplies to absolute bare essentials then we talk it out and find out why and, as a team, determine if it’s the right call. That’s democracy Ms Marks, and with such a small team, we all get a say and we can afford to take it on a case by case basis.

Reporter Jenny Marks: That wouldn’t work on a governmental scale. We can’t ask everyone about their thoughts on every matter, especially if we’re in lockdown.

Naomi: You shouldn’t have to; we have elected officials. Depending on the importance it should either by taken care of in a referendum or by congress but either way it’s democratic.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Alright. Who’s going to pay for all these allowances?

Naomi: I feel like this conversation is turning me into Token. Listen, Ms Marks, money has never been a question for things like wars or bailing out the banks or tax refunds for those who don’t even pay taxes. Wasn’t it just last week our government pumped a total of five trillion dollars into the stock market to try and stabilise it and it only did so for an hour before it plummeted again? That much money could have given the bottom ninety percent of people in our country the equivalent of half a years’ worth of their minimum wage salaries. We have enough money, it’s just those who want it don’t want it to go to those who need it.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You’re sounding like quite the radical.

Naomi: Radical? Have you been online in the past few months? I’ve very moderate compared to the ideas being thrown around. If wanting checks and balances in systems of power and wanting all the people to be safe and protected and wanting the government to redirect their attention to solutions that have been proven to work in other progressive countries is radical then I guess a centrist is Nazi then, right?

Reporter Jenny Marks: You can’t compare everyone you disagree with a Nazi, Naomi.

Naomi: I didn’t. Did you even listen to me or was that response automatic for you whenever Nazis are ever mentioned? Trust me, I have had my experiences with real neo-Nazis recently and they really like things just the way they are, with just a bit less democracy and a bit more militarisation. That’s not a good sign. As a journalist I would think that your goal would be to find what we could improve with our society, not vouching for the way things are and trying to demonise institutions while disregarding any of the finer important details. I thought this started off well with us talking about my dogs but now I’m thinking about it, that really wasn’t important. It’s like this whole conversation has thus far been you trying to navigate your way to not finding a way to make us look bad.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Naomi, I assure you, I am just trying to find a good story.

Naomi: Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can carry on. I’m riled up now and I’m not good at talking, I didn’t expect it to get so big picture, I thought this was just a little conversation about life in quarantine, not our leadership effectiveness or our views on authoritarianism. I’m going to go.

Naomi then disconnected the call.

*

Fox: I’m just doing what I do.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Could you elaborate a little?

Fox: I’m mostly playing games.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What kind of games?

Fox: Video games. On the computer. I couldn’t give you a simple list. I play games from calming children’s ones to gory murder ones. From games made in the nineties to games released just last month.

Reporter Jenny Marks: And are you enjoying yourself in isolation,with these games?

Fox: Oh, yeah, absolutely. It’s a great time. Games. Gaming chair. Playing from bed. Porn. Movies on my biggest monitor. Binge watching a lot. Texting with Anthony a lot. Internet and all therein, as Anthony would say. Memes. I’m making more digital art than before. Had the time to sew up parts of my fursuit that weren’t doing so well.

Reporter Jenny Marks: And how poorly, or how well, do you think John Protag is handling this situation?

Fox: It’s alright. I really just tune out in the group chats. I don’t really have an opinion on what’s going on.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Would you do anything different if you were in charge?

Fox: I would be terrible. Trust me. I’m just here to have a good time, I’ll let the active thinkers do the active thinking.

*

Reporter Jenny Marks: So, you go by the name Token?

Token: Most of the team don't even have a surname, did you ask them about that?

Reporter Jenny Marks: I'm asking about your self-made nickname.

Token: Right. I'm not getting into that. It's not important. What outlet do you work for?

Reporter Jenny Marks: The Oppidan Rag.

Token: Ah… You know your biggest shareholder is Nanoputer.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Are you Googling us right now?

Token: No. Yes. Oh, look, Nanoputer has a parent company who is an old... friend... of ours. I'm guessing this article isn't going to be flattering, is it?

Reporter Jenny Marks: That depends on what we find out in these interviews. I don't see where you're going with this, though, I'm a journalist. I graduated top of my class. My work on charities and the lives of locals are the most beloved this side of the country.

Token: Sure. But how many of your articles are even accepted on the first draft? How many of your main insights are told to be ignored or replaced? How many are edited? How many have the whole conclusion rewritten?

Reporter Jenny Marks: That's just the way it is, Token. That's journalism.

Token: That's capitalism. That's sensationalism and agendas.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Interesting. You have strong opinions on capitalism?

Token: Oh, don't get me started. To put it simply. Our system is designed to concentrate wealth and keep the majority of workers on the brink of bankruptcy. The fact paid sick leave is not enforced by law in this country is a travesty, and I'm glad the people are finally starting to see it, I just wish it didn't take such dire circumstances to get us here. Something needs to change, or everything is going to break. I don't just mean as a society, but as a planet too. This virus has kept people from taking unnecessary flights and that has done wonders in slowing down our destruction of the ecosystem. Less cars on the street means less pollution, canals are clear and full of fish, this city no longer has a perpetual cloud of smog above it, the birds are chirping again, and businesses like airports that thrive on climate-destroying industries are being proven to be not as important as they once were. I mean, god, the world is completely different from a month ago. Capitalism is shutting down and if we implement socialist policies now then we can look after everyone in these tough times.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Don’t you think that might be a bit hypocritical, since your agency’s funding is from a capitalist billionaire; Albin Cruor?

Token: I’m… Not fully comfortable with that. My beliefs are always out in the open and it does often come into conflict with what happens in our team. I think billionaires are inherently immoral, just by existing as they are, and that is why I fight, within the agency, to ensure Albin’s wealth is distributed to good causes, that he pays his fair share in taxes, that his funding of what we do doesn’t affect our goals and methods. We’ve enforced some ground rules with him. He’s not even technically a billionaire anymore. We’ve forced him to ensure his net worth never reaches a billion dollars. If it gets close, he must give a lot away to ethical peer reviewed charities.

Reporter Jenny Marks: So, you force this man to give up everything he has?

Token: Everything he has? He’s still a multi-millionaire at least. We’re just trying our best to ensure he fulfills his moral duty. People have social responsibilities. I don’t see any articles about how poor people paying taxes is them giving up everything they have, but as soon as someone floats the idea that maybe the people with all the money should maybe give some money, any money, to the government to support society then suddenly they’re the oppressed ones. Phalan Inx, parent company of Nanoputer, paid nothing in taxes last year but got sixty million back thanks to vague tax credit algorithms. Did you know that Albin is the six hundredth richest man in this country? He was on the poor side of billionaires and he still has impossible amounts of money. Did you know that any single one of the top three hundred billionaires, including the fourteen that own all the businesses that fund your outlet, could, single-handedly, end world hunger sixty times and they would still be a multi-billionaire at the end of that?

Reporter Jenny Marks: And what has this new world order you have made done for the world?

Token: Classic reporter; that’s a leading question. But good things have been done with his old money. His recent actions alone have helped rebuild Malakal, install universal healthcare in sixteen countries, provide free homes for everyone in two countries, and allow sixteen thousand charities and supportive social programmes around the world to stay up and running for at least fifty more years. The businesses he has major shares in, where he gets his wealth, have all been changed thanks to his influence and now they’re all far more ethical. He’s far more ethical too. All his businesses pay all their workers at least four times the living wage, they all use ethical practices, the unions are now allowed and have real power, he has a personal spending limit, all but one of his private properties are converted into homeless shelters which he provides free food, power, water, etcetera to.

Reporter Jenny Marks: It seem capitalism has really benefitted the world.

Token: You think all this good has come from capitalism? We did it. Capitalism has no checks and balances. We had to sit Albin down and talk to him about this; we had to convince him. He could at any moment decide to undo all he’s done, and we couldn’t stop him. We’re not the government. We can’t do anything to stop him. He is only one out of a long list of people with too much power and wealth. Imagine if every government forced the rich to do even an equivalent half of what the average poor person has to do for said governments; the world would have a hell of a lot less problems. People with that much wealth should never have been allowed to come into being in the first place. We’re just extremely lucky that we came across a man who just wanted something simple that we could easily provide in return for a clear set of morals, a simple ethical standard. Albin is human, he wants a social belonging and we provide that so long as he does what he can and tries his best to overcome the immoral way of life he has been given and raised in. That’s what we all do. We’ve all got our pasts and presents and we’re all trying.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Could you elaborate on that?

Token: It wasn’t an easy start. We were less a team and more a collection of lost souls bound together by prearranged purpose, fixed by our past to fight through our present. We were all a product of what was. We all had our traumas, we still do. Coming together was good for us, though we didn’t realise it at the time. We fought, oh man did we fight. Especially Azazel and Protag. It was ugly. Things got better. We started to learn about each other, started to make connections, find out what made each other tick and understood why we were the way we were. We all changed. I was such a follower, brash in my beliefs but I didn’t really stand for anything concrete. I’d go out in drag at night and live free but when it came to work, I’d just do what I’m told, even if it included repressing who I really was. That wasn’t healthy. We’ve all gotten better. As much as I rag on Protag and Azazel, they’re good kids. I’m proud of them. Even now in these scary times, when we talk, there’s still a lot of conflict between us but we bend, we don’t break. You know its funny, Azazel’s reactions to the real world during a pandemic is making the rest of us feel relatively calm because...

Reporter Jenny Marks: Because?

Token: Damn. Is this what therapy is like? Hold on. I’ve just been talking all this time about sensitive stuff. You shouldn’t be knowing any of this.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You clearly want to talk about it, and I’m here to listen. Please go on.

Token: No, I’m not going go on. I don’t trust you. You’re going to twist my words and focus on the wrong things and paint us bad because that’s what your bigwigs want.

Reporter Jenny Marks: We don’t do that. I don’t do that. Trust me. I’m doing my best.

Token: You need to show your worth trusting. Looking at your article headlines right now it doesn’t seem like you’re trustworthy.

Reporter Jenny Marks: You want to talk about what’s happened in the team. The isolation is getting to you. You need to talk to people, and I’m a person who is very interested to hear what you have to say. We’re just extremely lucky that we’ve come across each other; you, a man who just wants something as simple as talking to someone else about recent events, and me, a woman who can easily provide that, as long as I can record it.

Token then disconnected the call.

*

Anthony: I am living my life as I do.

Reporter Jenny Marks: And what does that entail?

Anthony: Mostly reading books.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What kind of books?

Anthony: Oh. I couldn’t give you a comprehensive list. I’m reading works from Shakespeare and Jane Austen to George RR Martin and Neil Gaiman. Most genres too. Say, I can be really flexible with my literary interests.

Reporter Jenny Marks: So, you’re very interested in reading then?

Anthony: I would agree with that sentiment, yes. Though it isn’t my primary interest to be sure.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What is your primary interest?

Anthony: Acting! As I work in public relations, I am oft within the public spotlight. I revel in it, to speak truthfully. I enjoy the raw honesty and the façade, the spin of the truth to protect the people. It’s quite fun. Among reading I have also been watching plays and certain shows and movies to try and refine my skills. I have even sketched out several very different characters; different in posture and speech and attire and moods but irrevocably me in essence. A synthesis of my talents; it aids me in visualising differing roles. I’ve been on calls with Fox a lot and I’ve shown him my characters; acting doesn’t interest him, but he has been supporting, often likening my voice acting to that of those in his computer games. He’s great. I’ve recorded several tapes of my auditions for local theatre companies, showing interest in any plays they start producing once this is over.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Interesting. Do you have any opinions on your agency’s leadership in these trying times?

Anthony: Oh, my good man Protag is doing his best and he has my utmost support.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Do you have any critiques of his handling of this pandemic?

Anthony: Well, I have my thoughts, of course, but I have already expressed them and most have been quelled.

Reporter Jenny Marks: What of the others?

Anthony: Ms Marks, if you are trying to coax criticism from me, it’s not going to work. My critiques are an internal matter and are not of importance to the media. I don’t appreciate dubious actions such as that. I was told you were here to ask us questions about daily life in the quarantine and you’ve changed the subject very quickly. I have my experience with people, and I can see what you’re doing.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Alright. One more question please. Would you consider yourself to be a better leader than John Protag if you were to take over?

Anthony: Goodbye. Thank you for the initial opportunity to express myself. That will be all.

Anthony then disconnected the call.

*

Azazel: I don’t know what the [expletive] to do! I’ve never been this exposed before. We don’t have bunkers or anything like that. We can just open the doors. What? Can’t the virus get through in then?

Reporter Jenny Marks: What did you do in the previous pandemics?

Azazel: Old Maloramus was very different and had a lot more resources and had literally an army of people to do what the old boss wanted so we had so many, I mean so many, precautions to keep us safe.

Reporter Jenny Marks: Could you elaborate on that?

Azazel: I don’t know what to do. I just don’t. This is too new for me. People are dying out there; did you know that? This thing is very deadly. The best thing we can do, apparently, is just stay inside. Like, what? Is Protag mad? We need to fight this! Right?

Reporter Jenny Marks: You fight this by staying inside and washing your hands.

Azazel: That’s insane. What? That doesn’t make sense. What? I’m losing my mind here. What do we punch? Who do we go after for this? Protag is telling me it’s not a biochemical war, that this isn’t another attack from ANEX, despite it very much fitting their way of doing things. How is this not manufactured? It’s killing people. It’s killing a lot of people. What the [expletive]? We have to do something. Can we go out and find the company that’s perpetuating from this? Someone’s profiting from this, someone must want this to happen, let’s investigate them! Can we go out and go to their headquarters and press whatever button it is to turn this weapon off?

Reporter Jenny Marks: I cannot stress enough. Do not go outside, Ms Azazel. Could you tell me more about your opinions on John Protag and his leadership?

Azazel: I don’t know. I really don’t know. Is he blind or am I just going mad? These things can’t happen, right? Token has told me about all the unjust things that are happening related to this and, like, this has to be a conspiracy, right? Protag tries to reassure me, but this isn’t right. He tells me to calm down and find a hobby. Our work is my hobby. Saving the world is what we do. Sit inside? What? That’s insane. You can’t save the people by doing nothing, we have to fight. Like Token says, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”. We can’t do nothing. I’m not used to how things work in the normal world, sure, but this is just wrong, right?

Reporter Jenny Marks: What do you mean by the normal world?

Azazel: Your world. Protag’s world. Everyone else’s world. I was an agent, I never went out for walks or socialised or read the news or did people things, I only ever had the mission. Was this what it was always like? When I was out on espionage, did people just sit at home and “save the world” like that? Did people just accept all the injustices of capitalism that Token tells us about? Naomi has wolves! Wolves! Like, what the [expletive]! I think Lindsay might have the disease too, Adam says she doesn’t, but her texts seem like a fever-dream. Anthony tried to help me decode her emojis but what the hell does “drowning in eggplants mean”, like [expletive], that doesn’t sound good. When I asked Fox, he just kept texting “Bahahaha” like, please, what, that doesn’t help. Texting sucks. With the old Maloramus, we had assistants, they were nice, they did good. This texting thing, it’s too much personal responsibility for our gaggle of bastards. They can barely write. I don’t know how Silvia is going to survive in this environment. Oh. Something’s happening to my phone. Call from Token? You interviewed him a few minutes ago, he should know you’re on me now. [expletive], something might be wrong. Hold on, how do I invite him to the call. Is this it?

Azazel then disconnected the call.

*

Protag: They said what? Oh [expletive].

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

From Jenny Marks, one of your journalists, in the life stories area.

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To: Jenny Marks

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From: Rupert Ope (Editor)

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Subject: Re: Important Sections of the Transcripts from the Interviews with Members of the Maloramus Agency.

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Jenny.

This stuff is great. I think it would make a great article; I can see the headline already; “Maloramus in Quarantine; Life-Threatening Chaos; Dark Truths Revealed”.

This clearly shows their lack of communication and coordination, as well as really wild beliefs, as you can see. You know they’re dangerous now. You know the people can’t trust them. You know what is right; you have to reveal to the public how harmful and wrong they truly are. In your article, focus on all the negative aspects of their group. Don’t mention their support of each other or their effective actions, that will just send mixed messages.

From that transcript, I can see several that we can paint as sexual deviants. These people protect childcare establishments, if they’re promoting pornography and masturbation then they can’t be trusted around innocent children. Similarly, with that black one, the one that calls himself Token. Focus on his radical beliefs, even mention how he goes by an SJW term, try and find more background information on him, you know his sort. Take his more communist beliefs to their extremes, he must believe them too, it’s how they work, they always escalate. Believe me, this is for the best. We can attract a lot of new right-wing readers if we phrase this right.

As for your passion project, Jen, I’ve granted you a half hour spot for an interview with your so-called personal hero, that Joseph Jerome man. However, for this life story to be worthwhile, you are to focus on his apparent communist ideals, contrast him with the American dream, and find any links between his abnormal abilities and the virus, and lead the questions to assert that his socialist agenda is the opposite of traditional values and that his vigilantism is about individualistic purpose, not communistic social control.

One last thing, Jen doll. Don’t listen to that Token boy. He doesn’t know anything. Don’t let it get to you. We’re not controlled by our kind corporate donors, they have very minimal say in what we do and even that is a courtesy. He’s technically on the government payroll so he’s being paid by literal liberal elites to say these things. There’s the real injustice. You’re a smart girl. You know he’s lying to you. Don’t take any of it to heart. Don’t forget how rude he was too. If he was right, he would be nice about it, right? Don’t listen to him.

Also cut out all his criticisms of the rich and our corporate donors too, because it’s lies and not even important enough to mention. If we share the things he says, that could affect our business and lose our credibility, you don’t want to lose your job. Do you? Don’t even mention it in your evaluation of this report for the higher ups, don’t let them know about it. Okay?

From Mr Ope

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